I have a friend who swears that cooking a meal together is the perfect activity for a second or third date. He insists that it’s a great way to get to know someone in a fun, outside-the-box way without putting too much pressure on the date.
He regularly receives a recipe subscription box and usually uses one of those for his date — which some might argue is cutting corners, but he insists that it still counts as picking out a meal and cooking together. I understand the appeal of it, but as someone who is easily stressed in the kitchen, a third date feels way too soon for someone to see me sweating, crying, and even cursing because I burned the chicken or can’t fish out the eggshell bits. But to each their own.
I’m a journalist so theoretically I should just invite a hot date over and test this one out on my own, but I’m currently on a hiatus from dating apps (it happens every six months or so when I feel physically repulsed by the aimless swiping). So unfortunately I couldn’t give this one a try IRL. However, I did reach out to an expert for her thoughts on whether or not my friend’s cooking date is a good idea.
Is Cooking Together the Perfect Date? Here’s What a Psychologist Thinks
“Cooking together on a second or third date hits that sweet spot between connection and controlled chaos. It’s not just charming — it’s neurologically smart,” says psychologist Deborah Gilman, Ph.D. “Shared tasks like cooking activate the brain’s bonding systems, increasing oxytocin and dopamine, the same feel-good chemicals triggered during early-stage romance (and, notably, while petting puppies).”
While I haven’t cooked with someone on a date (yet!), I have cooked meals with friends and family, and it’s definitely made me feel closer to and more bonded with them after making a successful meal. As it turns out, my friend might actually be on to something.
In 2023, dating app Tinder and meal kit delivery company HelloFresh launched a campaign to promote their date-night recipe series. In a news release for the campaign, Tinder claimed that 81% of Americans believe hosting a date for a home-cooked meal signals that a relationship is becoming serious. It added that cooking on a date typically happens on the fifth date, so I guess my friend moves fast.
Cooking: The Ultimate Pressure Test
However, at the other end of the spectrum, there are times when cooking an overly complicated meal together could lead to an argument or someone not eating the finished product. Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director and co-founder of California Behavioral Health, says that while cooking on a date can organically build intimacy, it can also create conflict.
“It can be a poor choice if one or both people are highly anxious about performance or control, since kitchens can bring out stress, perfectionism, or power struggles,” says Legere. But this can present the perfect opportunity to seek out any “red flags” or signs of incompatibility early.
“It’s a real-time read on someone’s communication style, stress response, and whether they treat ‘cleaning as you go’ as a virtue or a conspiracy,” argues Gilman. “Think of it as an emotional mise en place: not just prepping a meal, but previewing a dynamic. If you can handle garlic, heat, and division of labor without passive-aggressively seizing the spatula, there might actually be something real cooking. And let’s be honest — if they leave the dishes in the sink, what are the odds they’re going to clean up after themselves emotionally?”
Brutal, but true. While dating can be fun, it’s also an important way to check in and evaluate what you value and need from a partner. If you try cooking on a date and discover that your partner doesn’t wash their hands or loses their cool faster than you’d expected, I’d argue that you shouldn’t hesitate to send them to the chopping block and try a new recipe with someone else.
What do you think about cooking together for an early date? Let us know in the comments below!
