“Is everything ok?” Lively allegedly asked Swift near the end of Swift’s Eras Tour, before Lively had filed her lawsuit. “I felt like a bad friend lately because I was such a sad sack who only talked about my own shit for months. You were generous to not only be the key person there for me during all of it, but also to let me off the hook for being so in it. But I still have a feeling something may not be right.”
Lively continued: “I always want the opportunity to be a better friend if there’s something I unintentionally did. I know how busy and taxed you are—physically, emotionally, practically, so I don’t expect any more from you ever.”
The court documents show that Swift responded one hour later: “You’re not wrong, but it’s also not a big deal. I think I’m just exhausted in every avenue of my life and in recent months had been feeling a little bit of a shift in the way you talk to me. Yes there has been a lot of Justin stuff but I’ve been through things like this before and I know how all consuming it is. It’s more like… and I feel really bad saying anything about this because your texts have been so nice in their intent but your last few… it’s felt like I was reading a mass corporate email sent to 200 employees.
“And it feels awful to be in any way critical of any way you process what you’ve been going through but I just kinda miss my funny, dark, normal-speaking friend who talks to me as herself,” Swift went on. “And I know you feel attacked from all sides for ridiculous reasons so you’re feeling like you have to overly explain things… but. It’s me! That’s just caused a little distance. And you don’t need to apologize. Just come back please.”
“I’ve been texting like I’m writing,” Lively admits, quickly and directly addressing the part she’s played in the strain. “Not like me talking. I didn’t realize that until you pointed it out, but I see it. On top of that, I’m over packaging simple things bc I’ve felt so deeply misunderstood that I don’t trust my judgement of myself anymore… This fucking guy and what he did to me gave me an identity crisis. Legitimately. The thing that spooked me most in all this though, wasn’t the bad guys being bad guys. It was the good guys, my lifelong friends—allies to women—who quietly dipped. And so I’m probably being over the top with my friends who stayed because I’ve never felt more alone.”
It’s clear that both Lively and Swift are being careful not to hurt or upset each other, while also acknowledging the rift is a real, tangible thing. They don’t shy away from the awkwardness, but they don’t react defensively, either, and each one nods to the broader context shaping the situation. Swift is open about the fact that she’s pulled back and gently explains her reasons, and Lively, in turn, acknowledges the change in her own behavior. There’s room for Swift to express how much she misses their friendship, just as there’s space for Lively to reflect on the friendships she’s already had to let go. Set against the gnarly court case that would soon play out, it’s an exchange that feels all the more potent.
