Picture this: Your friends are getting married, but now they’ve popped one more question. Will you be their officiant?
Asking a loved one to officiate your wedding seems to be a growing trend. Having a close friend or family member legally marry you adds a whole new layer to your relationship, and imbues your wedding with an extra personal element. It’s an honor to be asked, but of course, it’s a lot of pressure. First things first, where do you begin?
Read on for your guide to how to officiate a wedding for the first time—and hopefully, there will be many more in your future.
Yes, You Need to Get Ordained
You’re here today to bring two people together in lawful marriage, but don’t forget that you’ll need to go through the law, too. If this is your first wedding as a marriage officiant, you’ll need to get ordained. You may have heard that you can get ordained online. Luckily, it is pretty simple to make that happen.
There are several interfaith, nondenominational, or religious organizations that offer online ordinations, like the Universal Life Church and American Marriage Ministries. Marriage laws vary from state to state, so be sure to double-check the legal requirements with your county clerk’s office. In some cases, you may need to register specifically with a state’s officiant registry. There are also a number of forms to complete and deadlines to adhere to so that any marriage you conduct will be recognized by law.
In some cases, a couple may have gotten legally married in advance of the wedding ceremony. For instance, the duo will choose to have a legal courthouse wedding where they live in advance of going to a destination wedding in a different country. If this is your situation, you don’t technically have to get ordained to officiate. But you absolutely should still properly prepare your speech for the ceremony.
Some states (including New York, California, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Rhode Island) let you get a one-day officiant license to legally marry a couple. In New York City, anyone over 18 years old can get their one-day license for a fee of $25, and it is valid only for the specific couple you list on your application.
Commit to Your Role
You might not have to take an oath to be a wedding officiant, but a simple “yes” is a binding promise to the couple. Once you commit to leading the wedding ceremony, there’s no turning back. Don’t risk spoiling your loved one’s special day by procrastinating your wedding ceremony script or backing out a month before. Officiating is a time-consuming and intimate role, so ensure you’re fully aware of the responsibilities before taking the plunge.
Homework Makes the Ceremony Work
You have perhaps the most important role of the day outside of the couple so you should absolutely not wing it. Have a meeting with the couple—better yet several meetings—to discuss what’s expected of you. How long do they want the marriage ceremony to run? Do they want to deliver their own wedding vows? What kind of tone are they hoping for? Don’t forget to check the facts either. You could have sworn they met by an exotic beach fire, but was it actually a tiki bar in Chinatown? They’ll give you a roadmap, so you don’t hit the open road alone.
Just the Two of Us
The soon-to-be newlyweds have given you the job likely because you have some intimate knowledge of one or both of them. They don’t want you to wax poetic about marriage or bring in a quote of the day. They’ve asked you because they know you, and more importantly, because you know them. And that is what the wedding ceremony needs to be about: them! What’s your favorite story about the two of them? When did you know their path was going to end in marriage? What you might lack in decades-long marriage wisdom, you make up for with special stories about the couple.
